For many of us, the emotions holding the tightest grip on our hearts are disappointment, resentment, blame and anger. They place a stranglehold on our happiness, and the only person who can release them is you.

對我們很多人來說，嚴密控制著我們心靈的情緒是失望、不滿、指責和憤怒。它們把持著我們的幸福，唯一可以釋放它們的人是你自己。

Here are four steps to help you forgive.

這里有四步來幫助你寬恕他人。

1. Understand why someone acts the way they do. Perhaps the most important tool and first step in forgiveness is to understand "why" someone acts the way they do. Take your parents, for example. It’s helpful to go back and objectively look at their early childhood. Imagine what their childhood, parents and home environment was like. What do you know? What have you heard? What can you infer? Do some basic sleuthing to uncover or imagine why a person (partner, colleague, parent) may have certain defense mechanisms (narcissism, defensiveness, aggression, depression, etc.) or personality traits.

1.理解為什么有些人會這樣行為。也許最重要的工具以及寬恕的第一步是了解“為什么”有人會這樣行為。以你的父母為例。回顧和客觀地看待他們的童年早期是有用的。想象一下他們童年、父母和家庭環(huán)境的樣子。你知道些什么?你聽說了什么?你能推斷出什么?做一些基本的偵查去發(fā)現(xiàn)或想象為什么一個人(合作伙伴、同事、家長)可能有一定的防御機制(自戀、防御、攻擊、抑郁等)或個性特征。

2. Feel and express your emotions. We can’t heal what we can’t feel. This may mean digging up long-held or buried emotions from the past, your childhood or right now. Our past pain affects (and in many ways creates) our current upsets. Until we fully release the emotions held in our bodies, they continue to affect our present mindset -- creating tension in the body-mind and even leading to illness.

2.感受并表達你的情緒。我們不能治愈我們感覺不到的東西。這可能意味著從過去、你的童年或現(xiàn)在挖掘出長期埋藏的情緒。我們過去的疼痛影響(和在許多方面創(chuàng)造了)我們目前的沮喪。直到我們完全釋放身體里藏著的情緒，否則他們會繼續(xù)影響我們目前的思維——營造緊張的身心，甚至會憋出病來。

3. Rebuild safety. Once you have adequately expressed your emotions, create new boundaries for yourself within the relationship. This may mean you no longer see the person, end the relationship or establish new guidelines.

3.重建安全感。一旦你已經(jīng)充分表達了你的情緒，在這段關系內為自己創(chuàng)造新的邊界線。這可能意味著你不再見這個人、結束這段感情或者建立新的指導原則。

4. Let go. Fully letting go of a past transgression and completely forgiving may take many months or years. Imagine the process of letting go like a labyrinth or a mandala -- spiraling around and around a center point. You may have a phase of feeling better and then realize that you are still grieving or angry. This is natural. The soul does not heal on linear time. Give yourself space. Be patient. True healing happens on the quantum, spiritual plane. Ask for help. Get quiet, mindful and pray to let go. It will happen.

4.放手。完全放開過去的罪過并完全原諒可能需要數(shù)月或數(shù)年。想象放手的這個過程就像迷宮或曼荼羅——螺旋繞著一個中心點。你可能有個階段感覺到好點，然后意識到你仍然悲傷或憤怒。這是自然的。靈魂在線性時間上不能痊愈。給自己空間。要有耐心。真正的治愈發(fā)生在量子上，精神層面。請求幫助。安靜下來，用心祈禱放手。它將會發(fā)生。