After I had my second child, I wanted to show my boss I could handle anything. I said yes to coming back too soon and working the overnight shift! I was so beat, I fell down the stairs holding my baby — she spent eight weeks in a body cast. She’s fine now, but that was an excruciating price to pay for not being able to say no.

在我第二個孩子出生以后，我想向老板證明自己能搞定所有事情。于是，我過早地答應了回去上班，而且還是上夜班!這讓我累壞了，以至于抱著孩子從樓梯上摔了下來——因此她全身打了八周的石膏。她現在康復了，但是因為不懂得拒絕而付出這樣的代價是令人痛苦至極的。

Since then, I’ve trusted that I’m good enough that saying no won’t hurt my prospects. Actually, being direct about what you want — without second-guessing or excuses — shows you value yourself. Power through awkward moments like these and you’ll get to your yes.

從那以后，我一直相信自己足夠優秀，因而拒絕一些事并不會影響我的前途。事實上，不帶任何揣測或借口，直率地表達內心所求，正能表現出你對自己的珍視。戰勝這些難以應付的時刻，你會得到自己的內心所求。

1. The I-Do-Not-Need-That No

對不需要的事物說不

You find the perfect dress for your friend’s bachelorette. Then the saleswoman starts insisting you get this belt and those earrings too.

你選中了一條完美的裙子去參加朋友的單身派對，這時導購小姐便開始抓住你不放，給你推銷各式各樣的腰帶和耳環來搭配。

"I love that, but I’m not going to get it today." The sales assistant is just doing her job — she doesn’t take a no personally and you shouldn’t either. You’re wasting her time by acting like you’redeliberating or putting something on hold just for show. Say no, be lovely about it ... and leave.

“我很喜歡它們，但是今天不打算買。”導購員只是在做她的本職工作——她不會把你的拒絕當做針對她個人的，并且你也不應該這么覺得。你假裝考慮或者故作遲疑都是在浪費她的時間。你只需友好地拒絕，然后離開。

2. The Parent-Trap No

對“父母束縛”說不

Mom and Dad invite you on a cruise. You get only two weeks off and think this would be an awful way to spend one of them.

父母邀你一同游輪度假。你只有兩周的休息時間，而且覺得要花其中一周和他們在一起實在是個糟糕的主意。

"I love you and that’s so generous, but I can’t. How about a weekend visit?" Time with you may be more important to them than the plan. Be quick and sweet, and don’t make up a story. They knew when you were lying at age 8; they’ll know now. P.S. Don’t get guilted! You’re an adult!

“我愛你們，請我去度假實在是太好了，但我沒辦法去。我周末去看你們怎么樣?”對于他們來說，和你在一起的時光，或許比度假計劃重要得多。果斷貼心地回答，而不要撒謊。你8歲時的謊言就瞞不過他們的眼睛，現在依然如此。另外，別為此心懷內疚!你已經是個大人了!

3. The "U Up?" No

對不良約會說不

The Guy You Want to Date says, "Let’s hang Saturday." At 1 a.m., he finally texts, indicating his interest in, ahem, hanging. Nuh-uh.

你心儀的男神說：“周六一起出去吧。”結果到半夜1點，他終于來短信，暗示他想的……咳咳……不止是出去而已。

Text, "No thanks." Wait a beat. Then, "But dinner Wednesday?" If you want more, don’t take less for fear he’ll disappear. Forget about jumping like it’s the president calling! You’ll save yourself months of pain by being clear with him and sticking to your decision.

短信回復：”還是不了，謝謝。“等一下，再接著回：”周三一起吃晚飯怎么樣?“如果你想要他全心全意，就不能因為害怕失去他而委曲求全。千萬不要高興得跳起來，好像是總統給你打的電話。和他說清楚，并且堅持你的想法，這會使自己免受數月的煎熬。

4. The Weekend-Work No

對周末加班說不

Your boss asks you to work on Saturday, but your cousin is getting married.

上司讓你周六加班，但是你的表親這周結婚。

"I would love to work on that with you, but I have a big family event. What if I stayed late Friday night?" Apologizing or going into an absurd amount of detail seems weak. Be calm and make eye contact and she’ll respect what you’re saying. Then follow up with an alternative solution if you can, so everyone wins.”

我很想跟著你加班，但是我這周家里有件大事。不如我周五加個晚班怎樣?“道歉或者解釋一大堆荒唐的細枝末節顯得太無力。冷靜地采用眼神交流，她會尊重你的決定。接著，如果可以的話，提出一個變通的方案，這樣就能雙贏了。

5. The Kickstarter No

對籌資活動說不

Your friend has a great idea for a vegan-snack-sample-delivery business, but you do not have thedough.

你的朋友想辦一個素食小點心的派送活動，但你并沒有這個閑錢。

"I just gave to another friend’s charity race, so I’m tapped out. Can I help by making an intro for you instead?" Little white lies can be okay. You don’t have to share details about your finances with friends. Value the work you did to earn your money, and donate only to causes that move you.

“我剛剛捐助了另一位朋友的慈善活動，現在手頭有點緊。不如我幫你宣傳一下?”小小的善意謊言沒有多大問題。你并不需要和朋友公開經濟狀況的細節。珍惜你辛苦工作掙得的錢，捐助給真正打動你的那些活動。